Do I really have to do this on my own?

My youngest son's birthday was just a few days ago. For me, his birthday was kind of a flashback to my introduction to fatherhood.  

Our first child was Josh.  Bringing our first child into the world was a joy but I was totally intimidated. However, his birth was not without incident.  My wife's labor was very long, and Josh was very big (almost 10 pounds).  His collar bone was broken during the natural childbirth.

Before we took him home, I was required to go to the hospital for training, both on how to change diapers but also to learn how to put his shoulder in a sling/brace, until the collar bone healed enough.  Training day I came to the hospital dressed in a suit and white shirt (those were the days!).  The nurse was insistent I do it on my own and after a couple of restarts and do-overs, I finally was successful, though drenched in sweat.

I don't recall the details, but I think that the hospital either loaned us a car seat or we rented one.  Nevertheless, the nurse accompanied my wife and I to our car parked under the overhang at the Hadley Hospital in Hays.  She helped install the car seat, load my wife's stuff and got my wife into the car.  To my shock, she wished us well.  I asked, "Aren't you coming home with us to get us settled?"  She smiled, and said, "You will do just fine." Now I was really wild eyed. 

My parents were divorced and my mom remarried.  Divorce is never an easy thing for a ten-year-old to wrap his head around, especially when his parents end up living in different states.  But I was truly blessed.  

In all the years, I never heard an unkind word from my dad about my stepfather, or by my stepfather about my dad.  My stepfather always reinforced my relationship with my dad.  In fact, my dad and stepfather were pretty close friends.  

I know I struggled in my relationship with my dad, in large part because of the physical distances between us.  I loved him so and missed him being at different events of my life.  But my stepfather always said "Randy, your dad is doing the best he can; and you know he loves you." 

My dad and I would get together a couple of times a year, once in the summer and once after Christmas.  They were wonderful times.  But I always left with an aching feeling of loss. 

My stepfather was supportive.  He went to every event.  None of my friends had a father more supportive than my stepfather was of me.  

I lost both my father and stepfather within a couple of months of each other.  I still talk to them and there is so much I wish I could share with them, even now.

Even though my three sons are spread out, I am still their dad, still listen when I can, and try to be there when needed.  

I learned so much from my dads.  They certainly made mistakes; and I hope l learned from those mistakes to become a better dad.

I also know that I’ve made mistakes, in spite of the lessons I took from my fathers.  Many times, I wish I had a “do over”.  I hope my sons can understand that I do the best I can, and I know I can do better.  The big thing is I hope they know how much I love them and how much I care about them. 

To all you Dads out there, Happy Father's Day.  Being a father is the most important job you've had and will ever have.  

To those who still have dads or who have lost their dads, remember the influence your dad has had on you as a person, how his influence affects how you treat others and how he has helped you be a better person. And your dad did it without a manual; he had to do it on his own, doing the best that he could!